UP NEXT ON "CYCLE OF HEALTH..." >> TALKING TO OUR KIDS ABOUT THE BIRDS AND THE BEES.

39 STATES MANDATE SEX ED IN THE CLASSROOM BUT CONTENT DECISIONS VARY WIDELY.

SO WHAT WORKS?

WHAT DOESN'T?

AND HOW CAN WE HELP OUR KIDS ENJOY THEIR BODIES AND MAKE GOOD RELATIONSHIPS, SO WE JUST MIGHT HAVE GRANDKIDS SOMEDAY?

HELLO AND WELCOME TO CYCLE OF HEALTH.

I'M YOUR HOST, DR. RICH O'NEILL.

TONIGHT'S TOPIC: TALKING TO OUR KIDS ABOUT THE BIRDS AND THE BEES.

WE WANT OUR KIDS TO LOVE THEIR BODIES AND HAVE LOVING RELATIONSHIPS, INCLUDING SEX, WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT.

BUT WE'RE OFTEN UNCOMFORTABLE BEING DIRECT ABOUT, WELL•THE BIRDS AND THE BEES.

39 STATES MANDATE SEX ED IN THE CLASSROOM BUT CONTENT DECISIONS VARY WIDELY.

SO WHAT WORKS?

WHAT DOESN'T?

AND HOW CAN WE HELP OUR KIDS ENJOY THEIR BODIES AND MAKE GOOD RELATIONSHIPS, SO WE JUST MIGHT HAVE GRANDKIDS SOMEDAY?

HELPING US ANSWER THOSE QUESTIONS TODAY ARE DR. NICHOLAS NEWSTROM, ASSISTANT PROFESSOR OF MARRIAGE AND FAMILY THERAPY AT SYRACUSE UNIVERSITY; MR. GIOVANNI BAZILE, MANAGER OF OUTREACH AND EDUCATION AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD OF CENTRAL AND WESTERN NEW YORK; AND DR. NAYLA KHOURY, ASSISTANT PROFESSOR OF PSYCHIATRY AND BEHAVIORAL SCIENCES AT UPSTATE MEDICAL UNIVERSITY.

SO, FOLKS, IS HOW EARLY DO KIDS HAVE SOME SENSE OF THEMSELVES AS HAVING A GENDER AS A BOY OR A GIRL?

>> REALLY GOOD QUESTION.

IN MANY WAYS THIS BEGINS VERY, VERY EARLY ALTHOUGH VERY FLUID UNTIL AROUND 4, 5, 6.

BUT EARLY ON, INFANTS LEARN ABOUT THE WORLD THROUGH THEIR BODIES AND THEIR CAREGIVERS ARE THE ONES WHO PRIMARILY HELP THEM MAKE SENSE OF WHAT IS HAPPENING AND HELP THEM MAKE SAFE CHOICES.

BUT THEY'RE ALREADY DISCOVERING WHAT IS PLEASANT, UNPLEASANT, AND THEY DON'T HAVE A SENSE EARLY ON ABOUT BOUNDARIES AT ALL.

WHERE THEIR BODY ENDS AND WHERE MOM OR PRIMARY CAREGIVER BEGINS.

THAT'S SOMETHING THAT DEVELOPS OVER TIME IN RELATIONSHIP.

>> SO HOW DO YOU RELATE TO A KID AND THEIR BODY, EVEN BEFORE THEY TALK, IT SOUNDS LIKE THEY START TO HAVE SOME SENSE OF THEIR BODY HOW DO YOU RELATE TO THEIR BODY AND THEM?

>> REALLY GOOD QUESTION.

I MEAN HOPEFULLY WITH LOVE, WITH COMPASSION, WITH GENTLENESS.

AND YOU KNOW, EVEN EARLY ON LABELING WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND WHAT YOU, WHY YOU DO WHAT YOU DO CAN BE REALLY HELPFUL.

WE ARE GOING TO BE TALKING ABOUT CONSENT AND BOUNDARIES, AND EVEN THOUGH A PREVERBAL INFANT MIGHT SOUND LIKE, YOU KNOW, IRRELEVANT, IT IS ALWAYS RELEVANT TO BE THINKING ABOUT RESPECTING EVEN A LITTLE INFANT'S BODY, EVEN THOUGH WE HANDLE THEM BECAUSE THEY NEED OUR HELP FOR OAMPG EVERYTHING SUPER EARLY OWE, FOR CLEANING THEM, FOR FEEDING THEM.

AND I WOULD SAY AS SOON AS COMFORTABLE, EMPOWERING THEM WITH CORRECT KNOWLEDGE OF ANATOMY COULD BE SUPER HELPFUL AND HOW TO ASK OTHERS BEFORE TOUCHING; ALL OF THOSE THINGS CAN BE VERY IMPORTANT EARLY ON.

>> YOU USED A WORD THAT RESONATED WITH ME, THE IDEA OF DEVELOPMENT F. WE LOOK AT HUMAN DEVELOPMENT THAT OCCURS THROUGHOUT TIME.

WHEN WE TALK ABOUT SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT, THESE ARE THINGS WE WANT TO TALK TO OUR KIDS ABOUT, THROUGHOUT THEIR LIFETIME ACTUALLY.

WE DON'T WANT THIS TO BE THE ONLY TIME WE TALK ABOUT SEXUALITY IS WHEN, FOR EXAMPLE, THEY'RE GOING THROUGH PUBERTY OR BEGIN TO DATE.

THESE ARE CONVERSATIONS WE SHOULD BE HAVING THROUGHOUT THE LIFETIME.

THESE CAN LOOK LIKE PROPER NAMES FOR BODY PARTS.

WE CAN, YOU KNOW, TALK ABOUT BOUNDARIES WITH OTHER CHILDREN IN THE SENSE OF LIKE NOT HITTING THEM, NOT INVADING THEIR SPACES.

THESE ARE ALL THINGS THAT KIND OF HELP SET THE TABLE, IF YOU WILL, FOR HEALTHY SEXUAL DEVELOPMENT AS KIDS AND ADOLESCENTS AGE.

>> THE IDEA OF THE SEX TALK BEING ONLY ONE PARTICULAR POINT IN TIME WHERE YOU ARE LIKE YOU ARE ABOUT TO TURN 13 AND THE SEX TALK, THAT IS NOT ACTUALLY REAL, RIGHT?

WE KNOW THAT HAVING THESE DISCUSSIONS THROUGHOUT THE YOUNG PERSON'S LIFETIME, ENCOURAGING THEM-- AND ENCOURAGES THEM TO MAKE PROPER CHOICES WHEN IT COMES TO RELATIONSHIP OR ANY SEXUAL ACTIVITY.

INTRODUCING IDEAS OF CONSENT AND BOUNDARIES, LETTING THEM ASK FOR PERMISSION.

WHEN SOMEBODY IS ABOUT TO KISS YOU, DO YOU WANT KISSES OR CAN I HUG YOU?

THESE ARE THINGS THAT CAN BE INTRODUCED SLOWLY BUT SURELY.

>> SO YOU ARE INTRODUCING THE IDEA OF CHOICE TO KIDS, AND THEY'RE IN CHARGE OF THEIR BODY, THEY'RE IN CHARGE OF WHAT HAPPENS TO THEM AND THEY, UP TO A CERTAIN POINT.

I MEAN TODDLERS THERE IS A CERTAIN AMOUNT-- SOMETIMES THEY DON'T WANT TO DO WHAT THEY GO THE GOT TO DO AND YOU GOT TO DO IT, RIGHT?

BUT YOU ARE GIVING THEM SOME IDEA THAT THEY'RE IN CHARGE OF THEIR BODY.

THAT'S WHAT YOU MEAN BY BOUNDARIES.

WOULD THAT BE RIGHT?

>> AND THAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE IN CHARGE OF THEIR OWN BODIES.

JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE DOESN'T WANT TO BE HUGGED OR SHOW AFFECTION IN A CERTAIN WAY, DOESN'T MEAN THAT THEY DON'T LIKE YOU.

THAT THEY HAVE A CHOICE AROUND THAT.

AND SO, YEAH, WITHIN THE BOUNDARIES OF SAFETY, LITTLE PEOPLE CAN MAKE CHOICES FOR THEMSELVES AND THEIR BODY AND BODIES AND THE POINT THAT YOU MADE, TOO, THIS IS AN ONGOING RELATIONSHIP-- AN ONGOING CONVERSATION THAT HAPPENS BEST IN THE CONTEXT OF AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP.

THAT'S WAS YOU WANT TO BE DEVELOPING FROM THE BEGINNING IS A RELATIONSHIP WHERE YOUR LITTLE PEOPLE CAN COME TO YOU WITH QUESTIONS BECAUSE THEY'RE CURIOUS FROM THE BEGINNING AND THE QUESTIONS WILL EVOLVE OVER TIME FROM QUESTIONS ABOUT WHY DOES MY BODY LOOK DIFFERENT FROM SOMEONE ELSE'S BODY TO QUESTIONS ABOUT WHERE BABIES COME FROM, TO QUESTIONS ABOUT PUBERTY AND MORE SPECIFIC QUESTIONS ABOUT SEX.

>> I THINK IT'S A MIDST THAT PARENTS-- A MYTH THAT PARENTS BELIEVE THAT THERE THEIR KIDS DON'T DO SOART CERTAIN THINGS OR DON'T HAVE QUESTIONS.

IF KIDS ASK WHAT IS SEX.

THEY MAY NOT BE EQUIPPED TO ANSWER THOSE QUESTIONS.

SO IF WE ARE INTRODUCING THESE NEW CONCEPTS TO THESE KIDS AT AN EARLIER AGE, IT BECOMES A LOT EASIER TO NAVIGATE THOSE CONVERSATIONS BECAUSE WHEN YOU WAIT UNTIL THE YOUNG PERSON IS 18 OR 25 TO HAVE THOSE CONVERSATIONS, IT BECOMES INCREASINGLY HARD.

SO THE SOONER YOU HAVE THOSE CONVERSATIONS, THE EASIER IT SHOULD BECOME TO NAVIGATE THESE SCENARIOS, THE WHAT IF SCENARIOS.

THERE ARE A LOT OF WHAT IF SCENARIOS THAT COME UP IN THE CLASSROOMS.

I GO TO MIDDLE SCHOOLS AND HIGH SCHOOLS, THE IDEA THAT KIDS DON'T HAVE QUESTIONS, THAT'S ABSOLUTELY FALSE.

WE ARE-- WE KNOW THAT KIDS ARE ASKING ABOUT SEX.

WE KNOW KIDS ARE ASKING ABOUT DIFFERENT TYPES OF RESOURCES, RIGHT?

BEING ABLE TOE ANSWER THOSE QUESTIONS FACTUALLY, MEDICALLY ACCURATE IS KEY.

>> I THINK THE RESEARCH SHOWS THAT KIDS ACTUALLY START TOUCHING THEMES THEMSELVES VERY EARLY ON, EXPLORING THEIR OWN BODY, VERY EARLY ON, EVEN IF THEIR PARENTS THINK THEIR KIDS DON'T DO THAT.

WOULD THAT BE ACCURATE?

>> YES.

>> I DON'T THINK THE BEHAVIORS NECESSARILY NEED TO BE PATHOLOGIZED.

IT'S NORMAL.

KIDS ARE EXPLORING THEIR BODIES.

THEY'VE NEVER, YOU KNOW, AS AN INFANT, YOU COME INTO THIS WORLD NOT KNOWING WHAT THINGS ARE OR PARTS OF YOUR BODY ARE.

AND THE FACT OF DEVELOPMENT, YOU CAN'T REACH CERTAIN PARTS OF YOUR BOWED AS A BABY.

>> LITTLE TINY SHORT ARMS.

>> I THINK THAT IF YOU ARE SEEING SOMETHING LIKE A CHILD IS TOUCHING THEIR GENITALS REPEATEDLY, HAVE A CONVERSATION ABOUT IT BECAUSE MAYBE IT'S JUST A FORM OF EXPLORATION AS OPPOSED TO SOMETHING THAT IS ATYPICAL AND MAYBE DEVIANT.

IT'S PROBABLY MOST LIKELY NOT.

>> AND YOU ALSO DON'T WANT TO SCARE THEM, RIGHT, BECAUSE YOU WANT TO CREATE THAT ENVIRONMENT.

YOU WANT TO BE THAT TRUSTED ADULT IN YOUR YOUNG PERSON'S LIFE BECAUSE IF THEY'RE COMING TO YOU WITH QUESTIONS, THE LAST THING YOU WANT TO DO IS SAY HEY, DON'T TALK ABOUT THIS.

THIS IS SHUNNED, YOU KNOW.

SO ALLOWING THEM TO ASK THE QUESTIONS AND LETTING THEM BE CURIOUS AND ANSWERING THOSE QUESTIONS IN A FACTUAL AND AGE APPROPRIATE WAY DOES GO A LONG WAY BECAUSE IF YOU SCOLD THEM, IF YOU MAKE THEM BELIEVE THAT THIS IS NOT SOMETHING THAT THEY SHOULD BE TALKING ABOUT, THEY'LL GO LOOK FOR THE ANSWERS ON THE INTERNET OR WITH THEIR FRIENDS AND THOSE ANSWERS MAY NOT BE FACTUALLY ACCURATE, THEY MAY NOT BE RELEVANT TO THEM AT THIS AGE AND THEY MAY NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THAT INFORMATION.

SO... >> NO, NO, THAT'S A REALLY GOOD POINT.

IT'S A GREAT OPPORTUNITY TO #-B TEACHING OUR-- BE TEACHING OUR KIDS EVEN FROM INFANCY, ABOUT GENTLE TEACHING WITH THEIR BODY.

LIKE, YOU KNOW, THAT THAT MIGHT FEEL GOOD AND WE WANT TO BE SENT WILL AND NOT HURT OUR BODY SO IT'S COMMON FOR EVEN BABIES, ONCE THEY CAN REACH THEIR GENITALS TO EXPLORE MASTURBATION AS BABIES AND IT MAY BE SURPRISING AND EVEN SHOCKING AND SOMETIMES PARENTS JUMP TO SCARY ASSUMPTIONS IN THEIR HEADS ABOUT WHAT THAT MIGHT MEAN BUT IT'S ALSO JUST A PART OF NORMAL DEVELOPMENT TO BE CURIOUS.

>> WHY IT IS SO IMPORTANT TO RECOGNIZE THE CONVERSATIONS DON'T JUST HAPPEN ONCE, RIGHT?

THE WAY YOU ARE TALKING TO YOUR KID ABOUT TOUCHING THEIR GENITALS AT LIKE THREE OR FOUR LOOKS VERY DIFFERENT THAN AT SAY 11 OR 12, RIGHT?

AND SO YOU WANT TO BE ABLE TO BE TALKING TO THEM IN SUCH A WAY THAT THEY'RE FEELING COMFORTABLE-- IT'S PROBABLY ALWAYS GOING TO BE A HARD CONVERSATION TO GO TO YOUR PARENT TO ASK SOME OF THESE QUESTIONS ABOUT YOUR BODY, BUT YOU HOPEFULLY WANT TO HAVE THE ENVIRONMENT WHERE THEY'RE WILLING TO TRY, WILLING TO ASK YOU SOMETHING IF THEY DON'T KNOW THE ANSWER OR THEY HAVE CONFLICTING MESSAGES ABOUT THEIR BODY AND SEXUAL FUNCTIONING.

>> SO, IF AS A PARENT YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE HAVING THOSE KINDS OF CONSERVATIONS WITH YOUR KIDS, I MIGHT FESS UP AND SAY I'M UNCOMFORTABLE ABOUT THIS BUT I WOULD BE DELIGHTED TO HAVE A CONVERSATION.

IF YOU DON'T KNOW THE ANSWER, YOU CAN SAY I DON'T REALLY KNOW ABOUT THAT.

I'LL GO AND FIND OUT AND COME BACK.

I'M DELIGHTED YOU ARE COMING TO ME TO TALK ABOUT THIS.

RATHER THAN SHAMING THEM, WHICH WAS COMMON, CERTAINLY COMMON MANY YEARS AGO.

>> AND RICH, I THINK THAT'S SUCH AN EXCELLENT STRATEGY, JUST CALLING IT OUT IN THE ROOM.

THAT THIS IS A REALLY TOUGH CONVERSATION FOR US TO HAVE.

IT'S GOING TO BE AWKWARD, RIGHT.

I THINK THAT CAN TAKE A LOT OF THE POWER AWAY.

IT'S LIKE YOU NAMED IT ALREADY.

WE CAN MOVE ON FROM THAT.

AND THEN WE CAN HAVE A CONVERSATION ABOUT HEALTHY SEXUALITY RATHER THAN THE ALTERNATIVE, RIGHT, OF JUST HAVING THIS CONVERSATION AND NOT REALLY TALKING ABOUT THE AWKWARDNESS THAT WE ARE FEELING HERE.

>> RIGHT, AND PERMISSION TO PARENTS THAT THEY DON'T HAVE TO KNOW EVERYTHING AND SO TO BE ABLE TO SAY, YOU KNOW, I'M NOTE QUITE SURE AND I-- I'M NOT QUITE SURE AND I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS IN THE RIGHT TIME AND PLACE SO LET'S FIND TIME TO TALK ABOUT THIS.

LET'S LOOK AT SOME RESOURCES TOGETHER AND LEARN TOGETHER ABOUT YOU KNOW, WHAT MAKES SENSE.

THAT'S POWERFUL TO MODEL FOR KIDS THAT WE DON'T HAVE TO KNOW EVERYTHING.

AND WE CAN FIGURE THIS OUT TOGETHER.

>> YEAH, WE ACTUALLY ENCOURAGE THEIR PARENTS THAT WE WORK WITH TO NOT TRY TO PRESENT A FALSE IMAGE OF WHO THEY ARE AND WHAT THEY KNOW.

IF YOU DON'T KNOW SOMETHING, LET YOUR LITTLE PERSON KNOW, HEY, I DON'T KNOW MORE ABOUT THIS BUT WE CAN TALK ABOUT IT WHEN I KNOW MORE ABOUT IT.

THE IDEA THAT YOU HAVE TO BE THE EXPERT CONSTANTLY IS FALSE BECAUSE WE ALL ARE LEARNING AND WE ALL ARE GROWING SO LETTING-- BEING ACCOUNTABLE TO THAT POINT WITH YOUR KID AND LETTING THEM KNOW HEY, I'M NOT PERFECT BUT I'VE HAD THOSE QUESTIONS AS WELL.

I WENT THROUGH THOSE AWKWARD STATIONS AND I'M HERE WITH YOU AND IF YOU HAVE THOSE QUESTIONS, I'M HERE FOR YOU.

>> WHAT ABOUT IF YOU DISCOVER YOUR CHILD IS ENGAGING IN SOME KIND OF SEXUAL EXPLORATION WITH THEIR PEERS, LIKE THEIR FIVE OR SIX-YEAR-OLD FRIENDS?

HOW DO YOU MANAGE THAT?

>> IT'S IDEAL TO COME FROM A PLACE OF CURIOSITY AS A PARENT, TRYING TO BELIEVE WHERE THIS IS COMING FROM.

WHERE DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THIS.

IS THERE SOMETHING THAT YOUR FRIENDS ARE DOING OR SOME RESOURCE, RIGHT?

BECAUSE AGAIN, ALLOWING THAT SPACE TO BE-- YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THE TRUSTED ADULT, RIGHT?

SO ALLOWING A COMFORTABLE ENVIRONMENT FOR THE CHILD TO MAKE SOME MISTAKES TO A CERTAIN DEGREE AS WELL AS REINFORCING EDUCATIONAL POINTS, FACTUAL APPOINTS ABOUT THEIR BEHAVIOR AND SEEING HEY, YOU ARE DOING THIS, BUT THESE MAY HAVE SOME CONSEQUENCES.

DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS?

CREATING THAT ENVIRONMENT, AGAIN, TO LET THAT CHILD COME TO YOU FOR THOSE QUESTIONS AND MAKE THOSE MISTAKES BECAUSE NO ONE IS PERFECT.

YOUR KIDS WILL MAKE MISTAKES BUT THEY NEED TO MAKE THOSE MISTAKES IN A SAFE ENVIRONMENT OPPOSED TO THE INTERNET.

NOT BASHING THE INTERNET.

>> WOULD YOU SAY THAT YOU MIGHT WANT TO FRAME IT IN THE CONTEXT OF NATURAL TOUR YOFT?

LIKE ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE'S BODIES?

DOES THAT MAKE SENSE IF YOU FIND YOUR CHILD ENGAGING IN SOME KIND OF EXPLORATION WITH THEIR FRIENDS?

>> IT CAN COME FROM A PLACE OF NATURAL CURIOSITY.

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU KNOW, FINDING OUT MORE ABOUT WHAT THEY WERE THINKING, WHAT THEY WERE FEELING AND LETTING THEM KNOW, YOU KNOW, WITHIN THE BOUNDARIES OF YOUR OWN FAMILY, WHAT IS OKAY AND WHAT IS NOT OKAY BECAUSE IT MIGHT BE A SIGNAL THAT AT THIS AGE WITH THESE FRIENDS THAT MORE SUPERVISION IS NEEDED TO FIND OUT WHAT KIND OF PLAY THEY'RE ENGAGING IN AND TO MAKE SURE THEY'RE MAKING SAFE AND HEALTHY CHOICES EVEN THOUGH IT CAN BE TOTALLY NORMAL TO BE CURIOUS ABOUT BODIES AND OTHER PEOPLE'S BODIES.

>> AND GOOD TIME TO REINFORCE THE IDEA THAT PEOPLE HAVE THEIR OWN BOUNDARIES AND OWN VALUES AND THAT YOU NEED TO MANAGE GETTING CONSENT.

EVEN AT THAT AGE, VERY YOUNG AGE.

WELL, LIL OUR TEAM VISITED LOCAL ADVOCACY AND EDUCATION ORGANIZATION, REACH CNY, TO LEARN MORE ABOUT ITS COMPREHENSIVE ADOLESCENT PREGNANCY PREVENTION PROGRAM FOR CLASSROOMS IN THE SYRACUSE COMMUNITY.

LET'S TAKE A LOOK.

>> REACH CNY IS A NOT-FOR-PROFIT FOCUSED ON ADVANCING HEALTH EQUITY IN THE REALM OF ADOLESCENT, CHILD AND MATERNAL HEALTH.

SPECIFICALLY WE HAVE PROGRAMS FOCUSED ON PREVENTING UNPLANNED OR ADOLESCENT PREGNANCY.

MY NAME IS REBECCA DUNCAN.

I'M THE HEALTH EDUCATION SUPERVISOR AT REACH CNY.

SEX IS IN THE MEDIA AND IN THESE TEENS LIVES BY THE TIME THEY'RE 10, 11, 12 YEARS OLD AND THEY'RE GETTING THE MESSAGE THAT SEX IS PLEASURABLE.

EVERYTHING THEY SEE ONLINE MAKES IT ENJOYABLE SO THEN TO TELL THEM THAT SEX IS BAD AND SEX IS TO BE ONLY USED IN ONE WAY DOESN'T JIVE WITH WHAT THEY'RE GETTING AND IT'S UNREALISTIC IN THAT WAY.

WE PRIMARILY TEACH COMPREHENSIVE SEX-ED, EFD BEHAVED EVIDENCE-BASED PROGRAMS IN SYRACUSE CITY SCHOOLS, MIDDLE AND HIGH SCHOOLS.

THE BIG TAKEAWAYS WE HOPE THAT THEY GET FROM THE PROGRAM IS THAT SEX IS A NATURAL AND NORMAL PART OF THE EXPERIENCE OF BEING HUMAN AND THAT WE HAVE TAUGHT THEM WAYS TO APPROACH THAT POSITIVELY AND WITH CONFIDENCE THAT THEY CAN HAVE THEIR GOALS MET.

SEX POSITIVE EDUCATION GIVES A MORE BALANCED APPROACH TO SEXUALITY EDUCATION WHILE CONTINUING TO STRESS ABSTINENCE.

WHEN YOUR TEENS GET TO MIDDLE SCHOOL, IT'S A REALLY POWERFUL TIME WHERE THE PEER GROUP BEGINS TO REALLY, REALLY, REALLY HAVE AN EFFECT ON THEM.

RATHER THAN LETTING THAT BE THE WHOLE MESSAGE, THIS GIVES AN EVIDENCE-BASED WAY TO SUPPORT WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN DOING AT HOME ALREADY, REGARDING CONSENT, AND HELPS MOVE THEM INTO THAT WHILE THEY'RE SURROUNDED BY THEIR PEERS.

>> SO, NICK, YOU DO RESEARCH ON SEXUAL AGGRESSION AND COMMUNICATION, MISCOMMUNICATION.

TELL BUS THAT.

>> YEAH, SO WHEN IT COMES TO SEXUAL COMMUNICATION, SOMETIMES WHEN THERE IS A MISCOMMUNICATION BETWEEN PARTNERS, THAT CAN LEAD TO YOU KNOW, SEXUAL VIOLENCE.

SO, FOR EXAMPLE, ONE PARTNER THINKS THE OTHER PERSON IS CONSENTING TO SEX BUT THEY'RE REALLY NOT.

AND SO THEY CONTINUE TO MOVE FORWARD.

WELL THAT WOULD BE, YOU KNOW, A FORM OF SEXUAL ASSAULT.

SO THE RESEARCH SUGGESTS THAT, YOU KNOW, NUMBER ONE THAT OUR COMMUNICATION ISN'T JUST VERBAL.

A LOT OF IT IS NON-VERBAL.

SO WHEN WE THINK ABOUT THESE SEXUAL ENCOUNTERS, OFTEN TIMES THEY'RE OCCURRING WITH A LOT OF NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION INVOLVED.

AND THERE IS SUGGESTED EVIDENCE THAT SOMETIMES WITH PARTNERS, THAT THEY ARE MISINTERPRETING A YES WHEN IT IS REALLY A NO.

AND THE IDEA OF SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS OR UNFURLING FROM AN AFFIRMATIVE PROCESS MAY NOT BE LINEAR, RIGHT?

AND SO IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT THAT WE ARE TALKING ABOUT KIDS AND ADOLESCENTS ABOUT ASKING PERMISSION IF THEY INTEND TO BE SEXUAL WITH A PARTNER.

AND I THINK THAT SOMETIMES WE HAVE THIS IDEA FROM THE MOVIES AND CULTURE, RIGHT, THAT SEX IS JUST UNFOLDS SO NATURALLY AND WE AUTOMATICALLY KNOW WHAT THE OTHER PARTNER WANTS OR IS DOING BUT THAT'S NOT THE CASE.

SOMETIMES WE MAY HAVE TO BE SPECIFIC AND SAY SOMETHING LIKE, IS IT OKAY IF I TOUCH YOU OR UNDRESS YOU?

IS IT OKAY IF I KISS YOU NOW?

>> BE VERY SPECIFIC AND DIRECT.

>> ABSOLUTELY.

AND ACTUALLY, IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE THE RELATIONSHIP WITH SEXUAL SATISFACTION, HAVING A SATISFYING SEXUAL ENCOUNTER IS CORRELATED WITH POSITIVE SEXUAL COMMUNICATION.

SO IN ANOTHER WAY, YOU ARE HELPING, YOU KNOW, TO-- IF I'M USING GOOD SEXUAL COMMUNICATION, I'M CONTRIBUTING TO A PLEASURABLE SEXUAL EXPERIENCE AS WELL.

>> WE WERE TALKING BEFORE ABOUT HOW THE PROGRAM THAT YOU PROVIDE IN CLASSROOMS IS HELPFUL TO KIDS IN HAVING POSITIVE SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS IF THEY DECIDE THEY WANT TO AND ALSO AVOIDING BREG PREGNANCY.

TELL BUS THAT?

>> YEAH, SO THE PROGRAM IS CALLED BE PROUD, BE RESPONSIBLE PROGRAM.

AN EVIDENCE-BASED PROGRAM THAT EDUCATES CLASSROOMS ABOUT H.I.V.

EDUCATION PREVENTION AS WELL AS STIs WITHIN THE PROGRAM BROKEN INTO SIX DIFFERENT MODULES AND WE TALK ABOUT A LOT OF HOW TO ASK FOR CONSENT, WHAT THOSE BARRIERS LOOK LIKE AND HOW TO ESTABLISH A BOUNDARY FOR YOURSELF: THERE IS A SWAT TECHNIQUE THAT ALLOWS A PARTICIPANT TO FEEL MORE EMPOWERED WHEN YOU ARE ASKING FOR PERMISSION, WHEN YOU ARE ASKING WHEN IS THE LAST TIME YOU HAD A TEST OR IF UR SAYING NO, YOU CAN SAY NO IN A SPECIFIC WAY SO YOU GET THE MESSAGE ACROSS, RIGHT?

SO WE GO INTO THE SCHOOLS WITH THIS PROGRAM, WITH THE GOAL OF EDUCATING THE KIDS NOT ONLY ABOUT HIF PREVENTION, BUT AS WELL AS SELF-ADVOCACY.

LEARNING HOW TO SET THE BOUNDARIES AND TRULY MEAN WHAT YOU SAY AND STAND FIRM ON YOUR DECISIONS BECAUSE AS WE HAVE BEEN TALKING ABOUT, IT STARTS AT AN EARLIER AGE WHEN YOU INTRODUCE CONSENT AND BOUNDARY INTO THE EQUATION.

IT CAN LOOK LIKE SETTING BOUNDARIES WITH YOUR FRIENDS, MAYBE YOU DON'T LIKE THE NAME THAT THEY'RE CALLING YOU.

MAYBE YOU DON'T LIKE THEM TOUCHING YOU A SPECIFIC WAY.

WHEN IT COMES TO MOVING UP IN THE GRADES, WHEN WHEN WE START ADDING STIs, TALKS ABOUT IT GOING TESTED, WHERE THOSE RESOURCES ARE AT.

SO IT'S, WE OFTEN GET A POINT OF CONTENTION THAT PARENTS THINK THAT WE ARE TEACHING THEIR KIDS HOW TO HAVE SEX.

THAT'S NOT AT ALL THE CASE.

WE ARE TEACHING KIDS HOW TO BE HEALTHY AND HOW TO KNOW WHERE THE RESOURCES ARE AT AND HOW TO HAVE THE CONVERSATION IF AND WHEN THEY NEED TO SO GIVING THEM THOSE TOOLS AND WE LET THEM KNOW, WE ARE NOT HERE TO KNOW YOUR BUSINESS, IT'S UP TO YOU WHETHER YOU USE THIS INFORMATION BUT WE WANT YOU TO KNOW WHERE THESE RESOURCES ARE AT AND WHERE TO GET THESE RESOURCES, HOW TO START THESE CONVERSATIONS.

>> SO YOU REALLY, A PART OF THIS IS USING BUILDING BLOCKS WITH YOUNGER KIDS AND BUILDING IN MORE SOPHISTICATED INFORMATION AS THE KIDS GET OLDER THROUGH THE DIFFERENT GRADES YOU PRESENTED.

WOULD THAT BE ACCURATE?

>> ABSOLUTELY.

THAT ITSELF IS VERY IMPORTANT.

YOU WOULD NEVER GO TO LIKE A MIDDLE SCHOOL CLASS AND SAY LET'S TALK ABOUT CALCULOUS TODAY.

I'M GOING TO TEACH YOU THE FUNDAMENTALS OF CALCULOUS.

>> I COULDN'T DO IT IN 12th GRADE.

>> IT NEEDS TO BE A SLOW PROCESS THAT'S BUILT ON A FOUNDATION, RIGHT?

WHEN YOU GO INTO MIDDLE SCHOOL, YOU TALK ABOUT CONSENT, YOU TALK ABOUT DIFFERENT, HOW TO SET THE BOUNDARIES, HOW TO ASK FOR CONSENT.

AND AS YOUR YOUNG PERSONS GROW UP, YOU INTRODUCE NEW THINGS.

STIs, FACTS ABOUT H.I.V., HOW TO HAVE THESE CONVERSATIONS.

WHAT TYPE OF SEX ARE YOU HAVING.

AGAIN THESE CONVERSATIONS DON'T JUST HAPPEN AT ONCE.

THEY NEED TO BE SLOWLY TRICKLED DOWN THROUGHOUT A YOUNG PERSON'S LIFETIME.

SO THE IDEA OF JUST HAVING THE SEX TALK IS NOT WORKING.

>> WHAT I LIKE ABOUT THE PROGRAM AND THE ROLE PLAYING IS ABOUT IMPARTING KNOWLEDGE, WHICH IS SO IMPORTANT FOR OUR YOUNG PEOPLE BUT IT'S ALSO ABOUT FIGURING OUT HOW TO USE THAT KNOWLEDGE BECAUSE WE KNOW IN ADOLESCENCE AND PUBERTY IT'S A CONFUSING TIME WHERE HORMONES ARE OFTEN RAGING AND ADOLESCENTS BODIES ARE CHANGING IN DIFFERENT WAYS AND KNOWLEDGE ALONE IS NOT ENOUGH IN TERMS OF DECISION MAKING BECAUSE TEENS ARE MOTIVATED BY DIFFERENT THINGS.

AND SO THINKING ABOUT WHAT MOTIVATES THEM IN THE SHORT-TERM AND IN THE LONG-TERM AND SO JUST LIKE IN THE VIDEO WE HEARD ABOUT , YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT ENOUGH TO SAY THIS IS RIGHT OR WRONG.

BUT REALLY THAT ACKNOWLEDGING WHAT MIGHT MOTIVATE THEM TO SEEK PLEASURE OR TO SEEK POSITIVE RELATIONSHIPS AND, YOU KNOW, HOW TO MAKE CHOICES IN THAT CONTEXT.

>> WELL, FOLKS, THAT'S GREAT.

THAT'S ABOUT ALL THE TIME WE HAVE.

I WANT TO THANK OUR GUESTS DR. NICHOLAS NEWSTROM, ASSISTANT PROFESSOR OF MARRIAGE AND FAMILY THERAPY AT SYRACUSE UNIVERSITY.

MR. GIOVANNI BAZILE, MANAGER OF OUTREACH AND EDUCATION AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD.

AND DR. NAYLA KHOURY, ASSISTANT PROFESSOR OF PSYCHIATRY AND BEHAVIORAL SCIENCES AT UPSTATE.

WE HAVE A TRADITION HERE, CALLED ‘LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE'.

LET'S SEE IF WE CAN ‘FLESH OUT' TODAY'S SEGMENT WITH A FEW JOKES: WHY DID THE HOT DOG VENDOR FAIL SEX-ED?

ANSWER: HE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT CONDIMENT.

WE USUALLY HAVE REAL GROANERS.

THAT MATCHED UP WITH OUR STANDARDS.

TO HEAR OUR NEW COMPANION COMMUNITY FM RADIO SHOW, CHECK UP FROM THE NECK UP, VISIT WCNY.ORG/COMMUNITYFM.

AND FOR ONLINE EXTRAS, INCLUDING OUR CHECK UP FROM THE NECK UP VIGNETTES, VISIT WCNY.ORG/CYCLEOFHEALTH.

FOR ‘CYCLE OF HEALTH', I'M PSYCHOLOGIST DR. RICH O'NEILL.

THANK YOU FOR CHECKING IN, AND WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK!

NEXT WEEK ON "CYCLE OF HEALTH..." >> IT'S A BIRD.

IT'S A PLANE, IT'S A DRONE!

HOW ARE THEY MAKING HEALTHCARE MORE CONVENIENT AND ACCESSIBLE?

THE GROUND CREW AT SUNY UPSTATE TELLS US HOW THEIR PUBLIC-PRIVATE PARTNERSHIP HAS DRONES DELIVERING PRECIPITATIONS NOW PRESCRIPTIONS NOW AND WHAT IS TAKING OFF FOR DRONES IN MEDICINE IN THE FUTURE.